I'm not going to tell you much about him, because, of course, I'm a big chicken, but I have a relatively well-outlined hero finally...yay! I'm not sure that his issues are the most compelling in the universe; but they work for this story, I think. His name is Joe. He's very strong, of course, and a little scary looking. He doesn't smile much, but he's a good, kind person anyway.
I have been fighting with the committee in my head the past couple of weeks, and this has made it tough to get old Joe down on paper. Every time I start thinking about Joe, the committee chair (we'll call her Phyllis), reminds me that I really don't have the time, energy or talent for this writing thing, so why am I bothering with it?
I spent the weekend reading J.R. Ward's guide to the Black Dagger Brotherhood, and it has a lot of great information about her writing process. And since I LOVE those sexy dirty vampires, I totally aspire to write heroes as dark and troubled as Ward's. Except I'm going to give them names like Joe and David and Steve, because, really, Vishous is already taken. And honestly, the names of her vampires turned me off when I first picked up the books, because they seemed a little cheesy. Until I started reading Dark Lover, and then, of course, it made perfect sense to have a totally hot hero named Wrath.
Anyway. I think it might be time to put away the "this is how I do it" books and JUST DO IT. I get all up in my head, and Phyllis starts telling me that even if I did have the time, energy and talent to write, I am not as disciplined as a "real" writer, and I can't find a clear mental picture of a hero to save my life.
ACK! So I managed to turn off the committee loudspeaker for a few minutes this afternoon and get my hero pinned down. I think he'll work. Of course, now I have Phyllis's sister Alice telling me that I am NOT allowed to make the heroine too much like me, because I have absolutely NOTHING that a hero like Joe would want, and I am NOT allowed to make her too different from me, because then I would be a big pretender. But that's another committee meeting, I might have to miss that one.
Your post made me smile because I so remember feeling like this before starting my first book. Try not to let the self-doubt choke you. What helped me was telling myself that I was writing the book FOR ME, meaning I enjoy the writing process and if I decided not to show the book to anyone when it was done, that was okay.
ReplyDeleteAlso, not that it's the case for everyone, but usually someone's first novel turns out to be their "practice" novel. (It definitely was in my case.) We learn by writing it--because you can only learn so much reading how to books. Actual writing is what makes us better. So give yourself permission to be free with this book. It's practice. Maybe at the end you'll be surprised and like it enough to want to query it.
But if not, you'll prove to yourself that a) you can actually complete a novel and b) that you're a much better writer then you were when you started the process. Then, you can start the next one.
I have one practice novel under the bed, the second book I wrote was requested by Harlequin (they are still deciding on it), and the third book got me an agent. So moral of the story--just write. The confidence may not come for a while, but fake it for now and you'll get there. :)
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Thanks, Roni;
ReplyDeleteI keep reminding myself of this...the best way to be a writer is to...WRITE! And when I sat down and started to type, my first rule was "Remember that you just want to see if you can write a novel. You aren't trying to get on the Today Show!"