Monday, February 21, 2011

I am Number Eleventy-Seven. I Hope.

I Am Number Four Featurette
So, the husband and the Princess of Angst (aka my 13 year old daughter) and I went to see "I am Number Four" on Saturday night.  I think the husband was hoping for Star Wars meets Tron.  When we came out,  Princess Frowns-A-Lot jumpied up and down, saying, "That was AWWWWWsome!"  The husband looked at her, looked at me, and said, "I didn't know I was going to see a CHICK FLICK!"


Okay, I have to tell you, this was not the greatest movie ever made.  In brief, the story is that this kid, who starts off as Daniel Something, and then becomes John Smith, is a refugee from another planet. He has been sent to earth to avoid being eaten by bad guys with gills on their faces and bad dental hygiene, who drive around with a truck full of something that eats alot of frozen turkeys.  Every few years, one of Daniel/John's brethren are killed and poor Daniel/John gets a big rose-shaped scar on his leg, and Daniel/John and his protector, Timothy Olyphant, have to move and change their names to keep hiding from the gill-faced guys. 

One small problem is that John really just wants to be a normal teenager. He moves to a town in Ohio, which we are led to believe is somewhere near Cleveland, because the abandoned house he and TO move into has a Bernie Kosar poster on the wall.  At some point, however, John has to make a quick trip to Indiana, which makes me think that maybe he's a little closer to Toledo or Cincinnati, but whatever.  Another small problem is that there is no way anyone in their right mind would believe this guy is seventeen years old. Maybe if I was a 13-year old girl, I would be able to suspend disbelief.  As a 46 year-old woman, I had a little trouble believing that Timothy Olyphant could be old enough to be the surrogate father of a 17 year-old alien, but I was okay with that.  If he'd taken off his shirt, I might have been even more okay with it, but I am not complaining. 


There is a girl, of course, who is a bit of a social outcast (we really don't need to see what she looks like, do we?  She's a girl, she has blond hair, she wore berets, which made it clear that she is a little edgy and artsy fartsy).  There is also the geeky side-kick, who is picked on alot, especially because he believes in aliens.

In spite of the fact that all John wanted to do was go to school and fit in, he spent alot of time walking around with his head tilted down and to the side, the classic posture for the insecure bad boy.  Of course, maybe that's just Alien scoliosis, I don't know.  John DID take his shirt off, and since he can't REALLY be 17, I didn't feel too creepy for appreciating the time he must have spent doing crunches during alien fighting classes. 

There was also a mean ex-boyfriend of Artsy Girl, he picked on John AND side-kick boy.  He was kind of a James Spader (see "Pretty in Pink") preppy jerk face guy, with dark circles under his eyes.  No WAY should Artsy Girl have really gone out with him, but it was a small town, so maybe she didn't have any other choices. 

So, the aliens find John. John, artsy photographer girlfriend, geeky side-kick and mysterious Other Blond Girl ((who will no doubt be in the sequel (she is Number 6.  Where is Number 5?))  take on the aliens and live to fight another day.  Sorry, I know I just wrecked the ending for you.  But a reminder:  Daniel/John takes of his shirt.  It's worth the $10, even if you know how it ends. 

Oh.  I forgot the cute dog: 

He never even bothered to put a shirt on. 


  1. Hehehe. Actually, Alex Pettyfer is only 20, so he's pretty close to 17 ;)

  2. Really? Okay, I only feel a little creepy. At least he's older (not by much) than my own kid, so that makes it okay, right?

  3. LOL! It's okay. I'd be worried if you weren't ogling him. I mean, seriously. LOOK AT HIM. *drools*

  4. You had me at "takes his shirt off." And I'm going to pretend I didn't see that he's only 20. ;)

  5. Hahaha! Great movie analysis. Love it when it boils down to the shirt coming off!

  6. You are funny. Thanks for the review. I'll wait for it to come out at Redbox. Timothy and teens don't do it for me even shirtless. Now, if it were Jensen Ackles, Shemar Moore, Joe Manganiello or Max Martini shirtless ...

  7. im sorry, but that was the funniest review to this movie that i have ever read :D